Our recent YouGov poll suggested that as many as 20% of UK adults may be drinking more after three lockdowns, with 17% of respondents who said they were drinking more indicating that they were experiencing problems as a result of their increased drinking, relating to work, sleep, money, relationships or physical withdrawal symptoms. Remi's story illustrates this in a very human way, and also shows the importance of asking for help.
When Remi's business in live music events ran into trouble, he became worried and depressed. His whole family’s finances were tied up in it and there was a lot at stake. His previously recreational use of alcohol and drugs was turning into dependency, a crutch for his feelings, and Remi was experiencing the consequences.
“That's when I began using heavily. When it started to get bad.” he says. "I'd always been known for being a bit of a party boy but it didn’t seem to affect anything back then.” Under continuing business and personal pressure, his drinking and using spiralled over the next two years. Externally he appeared confident and bullish. But internally Remi receded into himself.
"I buried my head in the sand," he says. "Then at some point, I can't tell you exactly when, but I got to a point when I just couldn't stop. Things got out of control.”
During this period through a chance encounter, Remi had rekindled an old romance. He knew at the time it wasn’t the best idea because he was in such a dark place himself, but lonely and depressed he sought solace in the new relationship. As he’d suspected, it was to be a difficult and turbulent one. “I was just pressing the self-destruct button the whole time,” says Remi. “I was desperate for help but unable to sort myself out. I was so self-absorbed I thought that there was only me in the world hurting.”
One amazing thing came out of the relationship though – they had a wonderful baby girl together, which led Remi to temporarily curtail his behaviour. “I was using until pretty much the day she was born, but then I stopped. For six weeks.”
The timing coincided with the start of the pandemic in 2020, and the first lockdown. By now the new family were living together and the lockdown exacerbated what was already a volatile situation. Lockdown had stopped all Remi's live music events activity which was the final nail for the family business. And without anything to numb the feelings, Remi was in constant turmoil.
“I was a dry drunk. I was craving all the time but didn't take anything because I didn't want to lose my little girl, which I'd already been warned about. I didn't see it at the time, but I was behaving in all the same ways as when I was using but just without the alcohol or drugs. Eventually, my girlfriend told me to leave, so I had to go back to my mum and dad's.”
And that’s when the drinking and drug-taking started again, very quickly reaching a new low. “Basically, from the second I got thrown out the house, my addiction quadrupled.”
Isolated and confined, Remi found himself using like never before. “I was drinking bottles of vodka straight, like water, doing lines throughout the day and getting deliveries of cocaine at four o'clock in the morning. Lots of it. Sitting in fields, because there was nowhere else to go.
“It's hard to accept that I didn’t hit rock bottom when my daughter was taken away from me. That should have been enough. But the lying-in pools of my own sweat, waking up in the morning and opening up another bottle of vodka, with my mum and dad having to watch because I was in their house, that’s what eventually made me realize I’d had enough. I just couldn’t go on like that."
Luckily, and very ironically, a few months earlier Remi had tried to help a friend and work colleague struggling with addiction himself, and had come across a charity called Music Support, which helps people in their industry struggling with addiction. “I was making phone calls pretending that I was totally clean, not talking about the fact I was in a bad place, and saying ‘my friend is really in big trouble and I don't want him to die, can you help?’’
Remi’s friend didn’t make it into treatment, but the seed had been planted for Remi, and so when he was finally desperate enough, he knew exactly what to do. He made the call to Music Support and asked for help. After an initial assessment with them followed by a full intake interview with Clouds House, it was suggested that he attend detox and residential treatment at Clouds House and was miraculously offered the necessary funding.
However, due to reduced capacity as a result of Covid, there was a waiting list - and Remi had to sit it out at his parents for a few weeks more. The doctor had told his parents it would be dangerous for him to stop drinking suddenly without a medically assisted detox*, so this soon became the most difficult time of all - during which his drinking and using increased tenfold.
But finally, a friend collected him and drove him to Clouds House. “It was a five-and-a-half-hour drive. And when I first got out of the car I was like, "'No. I'm not...'"
Thankfully he made it in, but he didn’t immediately take to it. “For the first two weeks of being in Clouds, I was completely against it. I knew I needed to be there, but I was very defensive and closed. It took me about two weeks to surrender, give in, and just go ‘Right, this is completely stupid. Sort your life out.’ Then after that, I really put 110% into it. So, it was two weeks of not really taking it seriously, and four weeks of really hard graft."
Because of COVID regulations, there were only 12 people in the house when Remi joined the community. “I was part of the first group of people in during COVID. So, it was very empty, because obviously the house usually takes over 50 people. It was actually incredible because the bond within that little group of people was unbelievable. It's amazing what they do in there.”
Since coming out of Clouds House, Remi’s hasn’t experienced any cravings or urges for drink or drugs, but it hasn't been plain sailing: “I’ve lost the business, which is devastating, and I’m not back with my girlfriend which means I'm away from my little girl, which is upsetting. But because of what I was taught in Clouds House, I've managed to keep it together. I've got a sponsor in Detroit who’s amazing. That's one of the great things about this online video culture. It’s global.”
“I learned in Clouds that I've had issues for a long time, from stuff to do with my family and all sorts of other things from years ago, which I've been masking with drugs and alcohol for a long time. Alcohol and drugs have always been around, and they always will be around. There's no way of getting away from it, but maybe we can look more closely at the reasons we want to use them destructively.”
Of the live music industry, Remi says “the circumstances of working in the live music industry didn't help, but I learned in Clouds that I've had issues for a long time, from stuff to do with my family and all sorts of other things from years ago, which I've been masking with drugs and alcohol for a long time. And I think you’ll find opportunities and excuses for addictive behaviour in any industry.”
With the benefit of hindsight and what he learned in Clouds House Remi says, “I’d been using drugs and alcohol to self-medicate for a long time - but not to the extent that I was using for the last three years, and particularly during the pandemic. If lockdown hadn't happened, I still would have been going on drinking and using, but I would have had people around me. And maybe things wouldn’t have got so desperate. So the pandemic definitely helped me to hit my rock bottom."
Now grateful for the circumstances that brought on his absolute rock bottom, Remi says "so actually lockdown was 100% a blessing in disguise for me, on so many levels. I'll never take that for granted. I get to see my little girl grow up.”
Of his stay in Clouds House, he says “It was just so great. It was amazing and I will be eternally grateful to all the staff who put themselves in harm's way to stay open and provide treatment for people like me.”
On 17th June 2021, Remi celebrated a year clean and sober.
Acute Alcohol Withdrawal can be fatal. If you believe that you or someone you are with is experiencing acute alcohol withdrawal, call 111 or 999 immediately.
What is alcohol withdrawal?
Put simply, the human brain on a regular intake of alcohol learns to chemically rebalance itself in order to counteract the depressant and sedative effects and adapts accordingly as quantities of alcohol increases. To use the current favoured expression, a “new normal” in brain chemistry is achieved, dependent on the regular, (usually increasing) consumption of alcohol. If the quantity of alcohol reduces drastically or is suddenly stopped, this “new normal” is thrown into disarray, with the brain being totally overstimulated by the chemicals it is producing. It needs the alcohol to level things out again – and if it doesn’t get it, that’s when withdrawal starts.
Shaking and trembling signify the first and most common stage of alcohol withdrawals.
Depending on the degree of severity this stage of alcohol withdrawal is normally accompanied by symptoms such as excessive sweating, rapid heartbeat / pulse, high blood pressure, anxiety, sickness and vomiting, sleeplessness. If you have ever woken up after a bender in the small hours of the morning, drenched sweat and unable to get back to sleep in an agitated state of mind, this may be a sign of alcohol withdrawal.
Hallucinations can also happen on their own, without an accompanying seizure or sensation. They can be mild – like thinking you’ve just seen something, catching a flashing glimpse out the corner of your eye, seeing insects, animals, or truly terrifying visions. They can be accompanied by sounds that seem real. They can create strange feelings and delusions and cause unusual or even violent behaviour.
Alcoholic Seizures are also extremely dangerous. They can be the result of acute withdrawal after drinking heavily for an extended period or alcohol poisoning after binge drinking. A withdrawal seizure is generally like a grand-mal or tonic-clonic epileptic seizure and typically includes convulsions, uncontrollable muscular contractions, unconsciousness, incontinence. You do not have to be a diagnosed epileptic to have a seizure, they can happen to anyone. A seizure caused by poisoning is very similar but could also include vomiting and difficulty breathing. In either case if a seizure is suspected you should call the emergency services immediately.
Delirium Tremens, better knowns as DT’s, are the most dangerous and drastic form of withdrawal and occur when the brain simply cannot deal with the sudden absence of alcohol, and vital functions and organs such as heart and lungs, blood pressure, breathing and temperature are severely compromised. Someone with Delirium Tremens will typically experience a state of confusion, hallucinations, shaking/tremors, or they may sleep for an unusually long time. DT’s can lead to fitting, stroke, heart attack, and death. If DT’s are suspected you should call the emergency services immediately.
Here is a list of other question that you may want to consider if you’re concerned that you may be developing a dependency on alcohol:
Are you finding that you start drinking / using earlier in the day?
Do you need to drink more to get the same effect (ease of anxiety, calm, contented?)
Are you struggling to sleep through the night? Or sleeping more?
Do you wake in the night covered in sweat after drinking? Or sweat unexplainedly at other times? (Unexplained sweating can be the symptoms of other health issues as well, such as menopause, asthma, heart disease.)
Are your hands shaking in the morning? Or before your first drink?
Do you find yourself craving a drink / substance to alleviate increased anxiety?
Are you having strange and unexplained visual or auditory hallucinations?
Do you ever feel like there are insects crawling on your skin? Or do you see them?
Are you getting increasingly irritable?
Were you already worried about your drinking before the lockdown and now find yourself drinking more?
Have you tried to cut down and found it harder than you expected?
Are you experiencing shame or remorse for your behaviour while drinking?
Are you feeling a sense of hopelessness and that there is no way through this situation without alcohol?
Are you fearful of stopping or asking for help?
Have you spoken to anyone about your experiences or concerns?
PROGRESSIVE WITHDRAWAL TIMETABLE
Withdrawals are not always experienced in order. A heavy drinker could enter any of these stages without experiencing the previous ones.
Trembling / Shaking can start up to about 10 hours after the last drink and may last 1-2 days. Most normally experienced the morning after.
Hallucinations can start between 12 hours and 1 day after the last drink and may last up to 2 days.
Seizures would normally start about 24 hours after the last drink, but can happen as close as 6 hours, and as far as 2-3 days after.
Delirium Tremens can start between 2 days and a week after the last drink.
If you are experiencing the mildest of these symptoms or feelings, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a problem. Only you can decide how to interpret them. You’ll probably know deep down if something is wrong, even if you don’t want to admit it.
If you have become physically dependent on alcohol it does not necessarily mean that you are alcoholic. Sometimes the physical symptoms of dependency can simply be treated with a detoxification programme. Addiction however requires a specialist treatment and therapeutic programme to support your recovery.
Clouds House Treatment Consultant Michael Rawlinson says “Everybody is different. If you’re concerned why not have a conversation. Connect with us. We might be able to help you see things more clearly."
Lockdown is highly likely to exacerbate a nascent addiction problem or a fully blown one. We are seeing and hearing evidence of this. We will soon be publishing the result of a survey on addiction during lockdown. Please check back soon for the results.
If you think you have a problem?
Please contact us, and if not us, someone else.
Alcoholics Anonymous is always a great place to start.Visit their website or call 0800 9177 650.
Clouds House remains open throughout the lockdown and beyond, if you think you or someone you know needs treatment we can help and advise you on the next steps.
Action on Addiction, as part of the Forward Trust, is committed to supporting everyone who finds themselves challenged by addiction. In seeking to address the spike in demand for addiction support generated by COVID 19, we have established The Recovery Fund to enable us to deliver services that will reach more people in more places, at a time when there couldn't be a greater need
If you would like to help someone access lifesaving addictions treatment, you may wish to consider either donating to the Recovery Fund or taking part in a fundraising activity.
Visit the Clouds House website to find out more about addiction treatment and the Forward Trust Reach Out Online Chat Service